Is there anything sexier than a hot, steamy bath for two?
Ah, bath time. Is there anything sexier than a hot, steamy bath for two? I’m talking about those gloriously indulgent baths. The ones where candles flicker and red wine flows. The sort of bath where you and your partner could soak for hours. There’s always a high chance of one thing leading to another, underneath a shroud of bubbles.
Pearl and I used to bathe like that. In fact, when we first got together I enjoyed sexy, couples’ bath time so much that I didn’t ever want to wash myself unaccompanied again. Having a bath is a lot like other things in life that I thought I was fully accomplished at doing solo. Washing myself was quick and efficient, I knew how I liked it and it got me from A to B so I could get on with your day.
I thought all of my boxes were being ticked but then everything changed when I invited Pearl into my tub. It was a glorious awakening and suddenly my eyes opened to a realm of ways to achieve maximum cleanliness, each resulting in an absolutely mind-blowing, earth shattering… wash.
However, everything changed when Pearl and I moved in together. We found a beautiful flat that was as close to perfect as you could possibly imagine, with the exception of one small issue: the hot water. I won’t bore you with the details but in short, we can only ever have enough hot water for one bath or two (short) showers.
Suddenly, bath time got a lot less sexy and a lot more practical. You see, now we HAVE to bathe together. We don’t have an option. There isn’t ever enough hot water for two baths, or even a bath and a shower. So, if one person wants a bath, that’s the only way you can both get clean. The bath water almost always cools down too fast for one of us to hop in when the first person is done, so it’s rub-a-dub-dub, two lesbians in the tub.
It gets a little cramped when two people are in there, trying to do different things at the same time. I don’t think we will ever break up, but if we did it would probably be the result of a heated argument because of me taking up too much room shaving my legs when Pearl is trying to wash her hair. Or perhaps when one half of the couple doesn’t realise that leg shaving is on the agenda and then feels obligated to shave too lest she be perceived less well-groomed than the other. The idea of two naked women grappling around in a bath tub, trying to find the razor, may sound sexy but believe me, it couldn’t be further from it.
Let this be your warning, readers, to make the most out of any sexy bath time you have while you still can. I hope one day Pearl and I will live somewhere where we can have long, luxurious baths again and the wine will flow and the candles will flicker atmospherically.
For now, I’ll make the most of the sweet, sweet thirty seconds I get when I am the first to enter a hot bath, alone, before I am nagged to pass the scrub or rub conditioner into a certain someone’s hair.
Check back every Thursday to read Rosie’s latest column or catch up with them all here.
Only reading DIVA online? You're missing out. For more news, reviews and commentary, check out the latest issue. It's pretty badass, if we do say so ourselves.