Baby countdown: the wait is over
"Once I'm holding that fresh little life in my arms and feeling their heartbeat on my chest I know I'll be ready for the next chapter"
Well that has to be the quickest week of my entire life. In my silly little head I had longed for slow days which are productive and relaxing in lounge clothes (since that's all that fits me now) in front of the telly, maybe even starting a box set. But that was never going to happen as I'm so rubbish at relaxing.
We had a great time for G's early birthday celebrations and I even managed to finish the cake extraordinaire and felt pretty chuffed with it. There's something so satisfying and heartwarming with making your little one's birthday cake, although the thought of knocking three up per year seems a bit daunting!! L doesn't know why I don't just buy one, but even she admitted I'd pulled it out the bag this time and it was a "nailed it" moment. Whoop whoop! Totally high fiving myself here.
So somehow I managed to take a little tumble at the soft play party as I tried to avoid tripping over one of the little guests. Thankfully I managed to save myself from squashing my bump and avoid too much trauma, but it did give me a fright. And that night, what I assumed was braxton hicks started again. So the next couple of days, with the lack of sleep and feeling that the time was getting closer, I just ended up weary and teary by Monday. It didn't help that the Chaotic One decided it would be good to start waking a few times a night for no good reason other than "Tickle me!" Full on psycho screaming and then you're faced with that beautiful smile and those words. No wonder she gets her own way.
I was overwhelmed by everything on Monday. Felt like I had so much left to prepare on a never-ending to do list and I was anxious I'd never get through it. It was all tiredness and me being absolutely moronic. Then the braxton hicks settled, but I was in for another dreadful night with the tickle monster.
When Tuesday came around I knew the only thing that would be of any benefit was sleep. And that I did. When I woke up something must've clicked in my head and I had a super productive day getting through all of the jobs I had nagging away at me. I even had a good workout with Henry to give the carpets a right good seeing to. It was probably all of that which is why I ended up in hospital that night, or maybe it was finally me relaxing and feeling ready that yes, now this baby can come!
I was admitted into hospital with tightenings, which then became regular contractions. I'd driven myself there in the hope I'd be told it was nothing and they would send me packing with some reassurance and a "see you on Thursday" but that wasn't the case.
After being admitted nil by mouth, with the possibility of doing the section the next day, I checked in to what I can only describe as a luxury holiday. It was peaceful and there was nobody I had to look after. L came to visit me the next morning and asked me several times if I wanted anything to eat whilst scoffing hula hoops and drinking tea. Always brilliant when nil by mouth, but like she says she has to keep her strength up! Seriously though as always she's done nothing but run around after us all over the last few days. She is my rock and I'm missing her now.
Finally the decision was made to wait until the planned section date the following day but to keep me in the hospital until then. So I spent the day listening to music, talking rubbish with L, I had a bath in peace and when I came back to my bed my dinner was sitting waiting for me without any effort on my part and no clearing up afterwards! Seriously, why did I not check myself in here sooner it was absolute bliss.
L brought the girls in to see me and they gave the most lovely cuddles, which brought tears to my eyes. I really hope they are going to do well with this massive adjustment to their lives. I felt so guilty for them on Tuesday I made them star shaped sandwiches for their nursery packed lunch. Hoping that the extra effort would go a long way to show that I loved them so much but I'm pretty sure they would've got flung to the side and in favour of some other lunch box item. This is motherhood guilt creeping in.
Here I am, now literally hours from holding our little baby, the final piece to our family jigsaw, and I'm thinking about the moment and how exciting it's going to be but still a little bit sad that now the pregnancy journey has come to an end. L hates it when I get like this. She says I get all thinky and it seems all gloomy when I get to the end of anything, but I'm not gloomy. I just like to reflect on what has happened so I can look to the future for what will be next. She says it's too deep. And yeah it is, but we've come a long way. It's not just the nine months I've been cooking this little tiny human. It's all of the discussions before hand, the IVF treatment, the donating eggs (I mean how excited must that family be, about to have their first child after such a long journey) and then the miracle of being pregnant. Plus this has been the pickle of all three of my pregnancies, which has certainly kept us both on our toes.
This will be the last time I have my bump and feel a new life competing for the gold medal in gymnastics inside me. I guess I am a bit sad that's all over and apprehensive of what's about to come, but once I'm holding that fresh little life in my arms, smelling its unique newborn smell you wish you could bottle and feeling their heartbeat on my chest I know I'll be ready for the next chapter - when the Robson-Malone's become a party of five!
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