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COOKIES & PRIVACY POLICY

The Rubbish Lesbian is looking gay

It may be Christmas but she's still not wearing a dress

Sarah Westwood

Fri, 21 Dec 2012 12:40:15 GMT | Updated 2 years today

Christmas at home brings with it the pressure to dress festive which is code for 'girly': a party frock or a Christmas day outfit. I musn't disappoint the line of uncles desperate to sing their annual chorus of, "Woo hoo look at you," or the more charmingly phrased, "You scrub up well," when I enter the room in anything other than jeans.
 
My mum too loves to see me, "make an effort". If my chosen outfit feels somehow lacking she will push a series of pashminas, and scarves on me like some sort of crazed silk dealer desperate to get me hooked on accessories. "I've got a lovely bangle that will look nice with that. Look how nice. Just try it! Go on. Try it. Try. It." getting more insistant. Once it's on my wrist she'll admire it endlessly all night, "That suits you. Doesn't that suit her? That suits you. You should wear more jewellery."
 
My mum's mission in life, when I was younger, was to get me to dress in 'feminine' clothes. She went about it with the ardent zeal of someone utterly convinced that if she could only get me to stay in a dress long enough all would be well. Poor mum finally accepted defeat when I came home wearing a 'Meat is Murder' T-shirt I'd bought from Afflecks Palace.
 
If I'm caught musing over which black shirt to wear to the Christmas nibbles the response comes back whip sharp, "Your sister's wearing a dress." The gauntlet has not only been thrown down it's been colour co-ordinated. When I do put on a wear a dress or a little floaty number, I'll catch my mum starring at me with a faraway look in her eye, like a contestant on Bulls Eye as Jim Bowen turns the board round to show them what they could have won.
 
Over Christmas and New Year I'll no doubt attend a few dressy drinks parties, but 'don me not my gay apparel'.  No way. My family will encourage me to the spirit of the season and wearing something more "cheerful" and "Christmassy" - like a Santa suit. "I thought this was a celebration not a wake." my dad will smirk. My concession to Christmas this year is wearing washed out festive grey rather than a darker shade of lesbian black. Okay so it's not a pom-pom festooned bouclĂ© red cardigan, but an All Saints sparkly skull T-Shirt is my nod to this sequined season.

 

The Rubbish Lesbian will return on 4 January.

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