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Come as you are

There are still many destructive myths about orgasms. DIVA sheds some light how to have one, how to improve them and why they don’t have to be the goal of your sex life

Sarah Berry

Thu, 22 Nov 2012 15:21:13 GMT | Updated 4 years today

We've come a long way (pun intended) from the days when women who were fortunate enough to enjoy an orgasm were dragged to the doctors, "massaged" with a vibrator and diagnosed with hysteria. Now with books, magazines and tv programmes propelling the myths that we can all go from nought to "OH MY GOD!" in seconds and that orgasm is the only way to end a sex session, we are more likely to find ourselves questioning our bodies if we don't come.

For decades I struggled with an inability to orgasm. I became obsessed with finding answers, to the point that I became a sex journalist. Happily, I've discovered lots of ways to become orgasmic and to enhance our orgasms once we're there. So, dear readers, grab your mirrors, lube up your fingers and fasten your strap-on belts - you may be in for a gloriously bumpy ride...

So, what is an orgasm?
Science tells us that when we orgasm, our pelvic or "kegel" muscles contract, we may shout out, have muscle spasms and feel a release of sexual tension. But the reality can be different for all of us. Says Janet, a 30-year-old pr executive: "For me orgasm is a warm, pulsating swell that builds in my vagina, growing hotter and fuller, until it explodes in delicious ripples of electric pleasure that fill every extremity of my body before finally subsiding, ebbing away and leaving me breathless and too sensitive to touch - anywhere!" While for mum Jenny, who is in her 30s: "I just feel a bit of a buzz at the end of my sessions. It's pleasant but it's no Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally malarkey."

Push your buttons
Did you also know that most women can only come through clitoral stimulation? And that the clitoris is more than the little bud under your hood? It actually extends inside you, down the sides of your vagina to your anus. Says Melissa, a 28-year-old IT worker: "If I lose concentration on my fantasy or apply the wrong pressure on the wrong spot of my clit just as I'm about to climax, I won't hit the full peak."


Read the rest of this interview in our December issue, on sale from November 22 2012.


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