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COOKIES & PRIVACY POLICY

DIVA Horoscopes

Aries (21 Mar-19 Apr)

Coming across someone with that certain je ne sais quoi is a rare thing, Aries - so when you discover that special person, please for the love of god, don't mess it up. We all get scared of falling at the first hurdle, if the sex dwindles, if you keep bickering all the time, if you're broke and can do nothing more than sit in front of Netflix every night - but that's life! At the risk of sounding like a bad Hugh Grant movie, you sometimes just need to remember the reasons why it all began. So what if you get sick of each other's bad habits, who cares if she doesn't hang her towel up or leaves crumbs on the worktop  - at least you've got one another! 

 

 

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Taurus (20 Apr-20 May)

Burying your head in the sand won't make those problems go away, Taurus. I'm afraid that sometimes you have to pull your socks up and face the music. There is nothing that can't be fixed (almost) so why don't you give it a shot instead of hiding away? Finding closure is incredibly therapeutic and you'll thank yourself in the end. Sure, you can expect some difficulties, maybe a row and even some tears, but once you've faced up to the issues in your life you can grab a Jack Daniels and relax. If you're going to have to deal with the aftermath of your problems, you may as well do it with a drink inside of you!

 

 

 

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Gemini (21 May-21 Jun)

Okay, Gemini, you need to calm down. Rather than the lovely lady you usually are, it seems that you've morphed into some kind of raging bull - the clicking of your fingers on the keyboard is annoying you, the sound of a child on the bus is raising your blood pressure, your own teeth clacking as you chew gum is pissing you off and that's not to mention the rustle of leaves as you're trying to get to sleep. I'd say that your friends are walking around on egg shells, but even that crunch would irritate you… The result? You end up storming around like a bear with a sore head, so I think it's about time to find a way to vent your frustrations.

 

 

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Cancer (22 Jun-22 Jul)

Summer days are coming to a close, Cancer. Soon you'll find yourself pining for barbeques in the garden, post-work drinks in the sunshine, you'll miss basking in the sunshine with a good book and glass of wine… but you know what? The fast approaching autumn isn't all that bad. Just think, you'll get to curl up with a mug of hot chocolate, you can indulge in enormous, hearty dinners and feel no guilt at being in your dressing gown for most of the day. Not only this, but you need to give credit to this season, it provides you with the perfect excuse to snuggle up to your loved one under the guise of 'wanting to keep warm'…

 

 

 

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Leo (23 Jul-22 Aug)

Trouble in paradise, Leo? If you learnt anything from watching The L Word or Lip Service, then you'll know that lesbi-friend-groups often come with their fair share of drama. As with many friendships groups, everyone isn't going to get on with everyone all of the time… and when those times come it's pretty difficult! If someone isn't sleeping with/flirting with/having a go at someone's girlfriend, then you and your bestie are fighting over the same crush - but you know what? You're not in school any more, and you haven't got the glossy background of The Planet to make things any easier, so keep your friends close and let that chip on your shoulder go.

 

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Virgo (23 Aug-22 Sep)

Can't get a hold on your impulse buys, Virgo? If your home is stuffed full of useless tat then I think you need to start having a bit of a clear out. Okay, okay, I'm sure that the aforementioned tat is well loved by you and holds some kind of sentimental value - but did you really need those commemorative keyrings? Or that third cake stand? Or that novelty underwear set? You get my point, right? It's becoming a bit obsessive… Not only is your bank account screaming out for you to stop, but you can barely walk through town without becoming distracted by something glittery and shiny… you magpie you.

 

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Libra (23 Sep-23 Oct)

Have you been making a connection lately, Libra? I thought so. The only thing is, it seems that you're making a connection with multiple ladies - you Casanova you. If you're going to play the field like this and put your eggs in many baskets, I'd advise that you don't whisper sweet nothings to every single lady you meet - you're only going to end up hurting someone. In the end, these things tend to come back and bite you on the arse, so if you're not careful you'll get hurt one of two ways: you'll get a slap around the face when it comes out that you're playing the field, or you'll fall in love and get played yourself…

 

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Scorpio (24 Oct-21 Nov)

Jumping on a bandwagon is only good if you intend to stick to it, Scorpio. Whether you're joining your friends in their local fitness class, stopping smoking, going celibate, or jumping on the 'new lease of life' wagon - all require a certain level of commitment. And what might seem like a good idea at the time, might seem completely impossible when temptation comes a'calling! Unlike New Year's resolutions, which most of us break within a month, if you choose something you want to end, or start, you can follow it through. Just think how much better you'll feel if you find the determination to reach your goals (whatever they may be)!

 

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Sagittarius (22 Nov-21 Dec)

When nightlife comes calling, you go running right into it Sagittarius. There's no harm in unfurling yourself from the sofa and heading out into the night, whether you're heading to your local haunt for karaoke and a pint, or a club where you can't hear yourself think you can be sure of one thing and one thing only, on both nights you will inevitably end up with a kebab in hand and a hangover to follow. Just remember not to burn the candle at both ends, attempting to go to work with a raging headache and a kebab repeating on you isn't very good for your work ethic - just take it easy occasionally… you don't have to hang up your dancing shoes just yet.

 

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Capricorn (22 Dec-19 Jan)

Constantly requiring matchsticks for your eyes, Capricorn? Early nights just not cutting it? Why don't you take some time off for yourself? We all get a bit run down every now and again, especially as days are getting rainier and darker, and it can be hard to snap out of a weary, sleepy funk. If energy drinks, smoothies crammed with vitamins and lots of fresh air aren't helping you perk up a bit, I think it's about time you booked that holiday from work. You need a few days to lounge around in your pjs doing what you want, on your terms, when you want to do them - even if that means staying in bed the whole time…

 

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Aquarius (20 Jan-18 Feb)

Breaking the bank just to surprise your lucky lady is all well and good, Aquarius, but surely you don't need to go to such lengths to impress her? Many women love a grand gesture… but a lot of women also love the little gestures. Through experience you must have noticed how gratifying it is to leave a love note for someone, or to give them a massage, or even just playing cards together? Not everyone needs a massive treat every now and again, many are happy to receive little tokens of love, just to know that you're thinking about them. So don't flash the cash, do something small instead, she'll appreciate it!

 

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Pisces (19 Feb-20 Mar)

I'm sure, Pisces, that you'd lose your head if it wasn't screwed on. If you feel like you lost your marbles a long time ago, then maybe it's time to take matters into your own hands? Your friends/family/lover can't babysit you any longer, and they're getting a bit sick of writing you lists or reminding you to do this job or go to this meeting or send of this paperwork or meet this person at this time… at first it was endearing, 'kooky' even, but now you've become a bit of a nuisance. I'm sure that if you managed to manage your own life, you'll get that quirky characteristic back in no time at all…

 

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