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COOKIES & PRIVACY POLICY

DIVA Horoscopes

Aries (21 Mar-19 Apr)

Listening to others is not your strong point, is it Aries? But maybe it's about time that you listen up to the words of wisdom that your friends are imparting upon you. You're so quick to dismiss advice, claiming that you'll be ok, or you'll find a way to move on - but you never do, do you? You listen only to yourself and decide that the way through a shitty time is to lock yourself away with the telly and stuff your face with all the food you can find. Fair enough, some of us need to wallow in self-pity for a little while, but occasionally you need to take some advice from others in order to rid yourself of that chip on your shoulder…

 

 

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Taurus (20 Apr-20 May)

Stop taking yourself so seriously, Taurus. Every time someone throws some friendly banter your way, you're quick to defend yourself and quick to jump down their throat… but sometimes you need to learn when something is said in jest, and when someone is actually having a pop at your character. People are starting to become afraid of you as they don't know whether they're going to overstep an imaginary mark or not… and let's face it, no-one likes walking around on egg shells. So take it easy and stop taking yourself so seriously - if nothing else, your blood pressure will decrease if you're not pissy all the time…

 

 

 

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Gemini (21 May-21 Jun)

So, Gemini, you've binge-watched OITNB and fallen hopelessly in love with Ruby Rose - so what are you going to do now? Nostalgia makes you recall the time that you ploughed through The L Word in a matter of weeks, and Lip Service in only a few days so you're more than familiar with the sense of loss and abandonment when your favourite TV show is no longer on the box, you're also used to the sense of heartbreak when you can no longer fawn all over your latest crush - so why did you do it this time? Prolonging something makes it last longer, and you'd have a lot more time for your chosen eye candy, so take it easy!

 

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Cancer (22 Jun-22 Jul)

Feeling like you're a bit out of the dating loop, Cancer? So many of us have high hopes of meeting someone unexpectedly in a bar, or having a movie moment and forging a love affair after bumping in to someone on the underground - but I think it's about time to come to terms with the fact that this kinda thing doesn't really happen anymore. You've met your friend's friends and found mutual friends; you've widened your social group and… nothing…. I think it's about time you jumped on the 21st Century bandwagon and joined the masses that use online dating to find their match. You'd be surprised what can happen at the click of a button…

 

 

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Leo (23 Jul-22 Aug)

Acting all high and mighty doesn't mean that people are looking up to you, Leo. You may profess to a little snobbery once in a while, but when it becomes a daily personality trait (and at the expense of others) then it becomes a problem. I think it's about time you took that stick out of your arse and stopped looking down your nose at people; you're going to end up alienating a whole bunch of people who, if you're honest, you actually quite like. Try to be a little more down to earth and you'll realise that 'slumming it' is what every day people do on an everyday basis, and you my friend, are going to have to get used to it.

 

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Virgo (23 Aug-22 Sep)

When will you learn that blood is thicker than water, Virgo? You side-line your family, choosing instead to believe your friends, but in the end who's there for you? Sure you're a 'good time Sally' for most of the time, and your friends are fair-weather friends - but when the going gets tough, your friends leave a cloud of dust behind them as they get going. Isn't it about time that you learnt from this and realised that friends come and go and although you might adore your BFFs, in the end it'll be your family that picks you up, dusts you off and helps you feel able to face the cold light of day once more…

 

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Libra (23 Sep-23 Oct)

Haven't found your vice yet, have you Libra? There's no shame in wanting to have one, it's a basic human instinct to have something that you're hopelessly addicted to. For some of us, it's women, for others it might be chocolate, it could be crocheting for goodness sake, but everyone has something that they love (but secretly shouldn't)… so why don't you try and find yours? It'll be fun doing lots of naughty and delicious things and there's absolutely nothing wrong with indulging your cravings once in a while, as long as it's harmless, you'll be fine… and as long as you enjoy it, I'm sure you'll be even better.

 

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Scorpio (24 Oct-21 Nov)

You might be a big believer in the old cliché that 'good things come to those who wait', but occasionally it pays to head out there and find your own good things. Some people have all the luck, right? But sometimes we have to admit that we are solely responsible for our good fortune and you can't leave it up to fate to grace you with its presence. So whether you're hunting for the perfect burger, searching for new blogging ideas, or desperately looking for that new job - nothing is going to fall in your lap whilst you stay inside in your underwear… unless you're not alone, but that's another horoscope.

 

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Sagittarius (22 Nov-21 Dec)

Been working your fingers to the bone, Sagittarius? I think it's about time you gave yourself a bit of TLC. We all get sick of the same shit different day mentality that's been drummed into us, so why don't you escape from the rat race for a little while? Book some time off from work, have some lay ins, watch endless episodes of your favourite show on Netflix, eat ALL the foods and generally be merry! Try and fit in a bit of socialising too, we don't want you turning into a hermit now do we? We work too hard to not allow ourselves a bit of time to relax and unwind; you don't want to run yourself into the ground now do you?

 

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Capricorn (22 Dec-19 Jan)

You'd have thought that after the first screw up, you'd have learnt wouldn't you, Capricorn? But it seems that you've managed to get yourself in deep water without a paddle once more… but this time there's no-one to throw you a life raft. Sometimes we have to learn from our mistakes and I think that it's your time to suck it up, take a blow, and deal with the consequences of your actions. You can throw your toys out of the pram and kick off as much as you like, but in the end you're going to have to admit your mistakes and swallow your pride… just don't wait too long or you'll miss your chance to grovel…

 

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Aquarius (20 Jan-18 Feb)

If you fail to splash the cash, Aquarius, then prepare to fail my friend. Women are versatile beings and can adapt to any situation, but when that situation frequently involves a Maccy D's before a quick fumble in the back of your car, then something's gotta give… because your lady is not happy. I'm all for sharing the financial load and sharing things, but every girl likes to be treated every now and again, and we can't help but feel a little bit of joy when receiving a nice present or being told to get dolled up because we're being taken for dinner… so why not make her feel special? She deserves it…

 

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Pisces (19 Feb-20 Mar)

So, someone made a mistake, Pisces, but I'm sure you've got it in you to offer up a little forgiveness. We're all guilty of wandering around with a chip on our shoulder but occasionally you need to let something go, you might not want to and you might not forget what's happened, but you need to let bygones be bygones before it eats you up inside. There are bigger and better things to move on to and bigger things to be concerned about than to lord it over someone when they've done something wrong -hell, if the shoe was on the other foot, you'd soon be forgiven wouldn't you? So why not extend the same courtesy..

 

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