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COOKIES & PRIVACY POLICY

DIVA Horoscopes

Aries (21 Mar-19 Apr)

Staring longingly into bakery windows or salivating in the general direction of a sweet shop isn't going to satisfy that sweet tooth of yours, Aries, so why are you stopping yourself? There are worse things you could do than snaffle down an iced-bun or a bag of strawberry bon bons, so don't restrict yourself! We're all so plagued by sayings such as 'a minute on the lips and a lifetime on the hips' that we forget that everything is ok in moderation… so don't skulk away from the cupcakes, embrace them instead. I'm sure you can allow your sweet tooth a little satisfaction; the salad can wait until next week!

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Taurus (20 Apr-20 May)

You've seen fashions come and go, Taurus - the 80s brought fluorescent colours and big hair, the 90s big belts and trucker caps and not to mention the nostalgia you feel when you look at a tightly curled perm…but if you've learnt something over the years, it's that certain fashions don't work for you. The lesbi-check shirt not your thing? Skirts falling a little flat? So what - dress for you! You've been dressing yourself for long enough now to know what suits you and you're comfortable enough in your own skin to decide what's appropriate for your sensational figure - so keep your chin up and wear whatever the hell you want!

 

 

 

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Gemini (21 May-21 Jun)

Sometimes keeping your head up and your heart strong isn't enough when you're feeling down Gemini, so why not indulge some of your vices to make yourself feel better? Have that extra glass of wine, allow yourself to binge watch some TV, treat yourself to a steak dinner - whatever makes you happy, then do it (within reason of course, my friend). People say that time is a healer but sometimes you can aid your own healing with some sugar, alcohol and a good friend with a shoulder available for you to cry on. But do, still, keep your chin up and hold your head high… you'll be absolutely fine in no time.

 

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Cancer (22 Jun-22 Jul)

Things in your life a bit chaotic at the moment, Cancer? Lately, if something can go wrong for you, it will go monumentally wrong and you're falling at every hurdle. But rather than getting in a tizz and rushing around trying to fix every little problem, why don't you take your time? Mother used to say "more haste, less speed" and she was right… if you try and do things at a million miles an hour, you're bound to trip over yourself or something won't be done correctly. So just sit back and take a breather, hell, have a cup of camomile tea before you undertake your tasks - it'll calm those jittery nerves of yours.

 

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Leo (23 Jul-22 Aug)

Ok Leo, isn't it about time you stepped back? We're all allowed our time in the spotlight, especially if we've achieved something as you have, but is there a slight chance that you're hogging it? It's not fair on others if the attention is on you constantly! Other people have successes and failures in their lives too, and I'm sure that some of your friends could do with some celebrations or condolences… so get down from your pedestal and give someone else a chance. That longed for 15 minutes of fame comes to all of us, and I think yours has slightly overrun - a bit like when the football leaks into the time slot where EastEnders should be, so step down and give someone else a chance?

 

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Virgo (23 Aug-22 Sep)

If you're going to let someone down, Virgo, then please make sure you do it gently. You've been on the receiving end of being dumped from a great height, and then had a ton of crap chucked on top of you to deal with, so why would you want someone else to have to tackle the same thing? I don't mean pussyfoot around and dilly-dally with telling the truth about how you feel, but have some tact and do it gently. Bad news is never nice to receive, especially where feelings are concerned, and the giver of the news often gets the raw end of the deal in the end, so your kindness might just preserve your dignity and reputation too…

 

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Libra (23 Sep-23 Oct)

Who died and made you boss, Libra? Most friendship groups have a Queen Bee, but when we're all striving for equality, surely it'd be better to let everyone have an opinion? Getting too big for your boots is something that most people try to avoid, but it seems that you're revelling in the idea of directing your friends and loved ones… people aren't puppets and you my dear are no puppet master. If you believe in freewill then stop trying to manipulate people into doing things that you want them to do - how would you like it if someone took control of your decisions? You wouldn't let anyone pull your strings, so don't so it to others.

 

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Scorpio (24 Oct-21 Nov)

You're like the Jack of all Trades where relationships are concerned, Scorpio - you've been the heartbreaker, the player, the charmer, the Casanova but where's the true you? All of these failed relationships behind you should surely tell you something? Instead of toying with the emotions of others, decide which road you want to go down - if you want to be the cause of heartbreak and tears then by all means carry on, but if you want to feel a little lurve, then change your tactics. Stop being the Jack of all Trades and try being a little more Jack of Hearts - you'll be a lot happier, trust me.

 

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Sagittarius (22 Nov-21 Dec)

Finding yourself constantly going out on a whim for others, Sagittarius? Whether you're lending out your sofa for the night to an overly drunk friend or giving someone your last fiver so they can get home safely, you're always putting others first. But what about you? When do you let yourself have a little luxury? Sure your friends thank you and are grateful for your actions, but isn't it time that you gave yourself a little TLC… Run a hot bath and lock your front door to all guests for a change, use your last fiver on a takeaway for one and treat yourself… you can't be altruistic all the time - we all need a bit of 'me' time.

 

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Capricorn (22 Dec-19 Jan)

Finding it hard to discover your niche, Capricorn? You've had a shot at blogging, fashion, reviews, painting, pottery, yoga, food critic (if complaining at the local restaurant counts?)… Not to mention your stint as a performance poet. But rather than having your fingers in many pies (as you did in your bakery course) shouldn't you hone in on one skill and follow it through? There's a difference between being multi-talented and being flaky and I'm sure these differ from employer to employer, but my money's on the latter option being the preferred option. So show that you're not flaky and stick to something for once!

 

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Aquarius (20 Jan-18 Feb)

If your wandering eyes are getting the better of you, Aquarius, isn't it time to call it quits with that lady of yours? If you find that you'd rather have a night out with your friends than a night in with your girlfriend, then I think there's a problem… especially if said nights out involve you 'innocently' flirting with the woman behind the bar. If you're honest though, it wasn't innocent flirting and you'd have loved nothing more than to see her behind… If you're daydreaming about other ladies and arguing endlessly with your lady, then I suggest that you end it soon before someone gets hurt.

 

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Pisces (19 Feb-20 Mar)

Putting your first foot forwards is all well and good, Pisces, but if you fall flat on your face straight afterwards… well, what sort of impression is that going to make? Let's face it, none of us are as refined as we'd like to think, and I'm sure you'd love nothing more than to let out the burp that you've been suppressing, but sometimes we can't. Sometimes we have to indulge the company we find ourselves in and act with a little decorum, a little class, even if that means putting yourself right out of your comfort zone. Just think, you'll soon be at home in your pyjamas again, watching re-runs on Netflix… surrounded by empty chocolate packets.

 

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