Each and every one has been road tested by DIVA’s Roxy Bourdillon. It’s been a fun month.
BY ROXY BOURDILLON
Want to romance a wonderful woman but run out of ways to woo her? Bored of staying in every night but too poor to step outside in case you accidentally spend this month’s rent? Watched everything on Netflix and not feeling chill about it?
Well, don’t you worry, my date-deprived beauty. Here are 8 original date night ideas to make your love life infinitely more enjoyable.
1. Baking club
Make her drool over your drizzle cake and give her the cream horn with your exquisite buns. It’s time for fun and frolics in the kitchen as you and your significant other bake all kinds of scrumptious treats. Decorate cupcakes for each other and have a competition to see who can make the most baking-themed innuendos. Just don’t fall out over who gets to lick the bowl.
What to bake:
The official GBBO website has tons of recipes you can try
What to watch:
Sit your soggy bottoms down to indulge in a GBBO marathon
What to wear:
If your budget allows, splash out on cute/sexy/practical aprons. Whether or not you wear anything underneath is up to you
2. Passport to romance
If money was no object, where would you take your partner for a date? With a little imagination, you can plan the perfect internationally themed evening without stepping outside your front door. Choose the menu, decor and entertainment based on your chosen location. Still stumped? Here are a few of my favourites to inspire you.
Slurp French wine and nibble crepes
Feel très cultured by watching a French flick like Blue Is The Warmest Colour or Amelie. If subtitles are too much effort, there are always Parisian must-see movies Moulin Rouge or Ratatouille.
Embrace the language of love by whispering these classic chat up lines in your best va-va-voom accent:
“Il fait chaud ici, ou c’est juste toi?” (Is it hot in here or is it just you?)
“Si je te disais que tu as un beau corps, tu m’en tiendrais rigueur?” (If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?)
And naturellement, “Voulez-vous couchez avec moi ce soir?”
Feast on tacos, nachos and tequila slammers
Watch Salma Hayek smoulder as the infamous bisexual artist in biopic Frida
Get up close and personal on the living room carpet by trying out a YouTube salsa tutorial
Imagine you’re the Greek goddesses of romance on the Isle of Lesbos
Grab a couple of bed sheets and make it a toga party for two as you recite Sappho’s lesbian love poetry to each other
If you want to really go for it with this role-play scenario, feed your lover grapes and fan her with a giant palm leaf
If that all sounds a bit much, just watch Mamma Mia and have a greek salad instead
3. At home spa experience
If you want to make your lady love feel truly special, transform your home into a luxurious pampering paradise.
You will need:
Candles to set the scene, rose petals if you’re feeling fancy
A pristine environment – dirty laundry and piles of washing up do not, repeat NOT, create an overwhelming sense of tranquility
Soothing music. My Blissed Out Lesbian playlist includes Goldfrapp, Uh Huh Her and all the non-shouty Skin songs
Matching towelling dressing gowns and slippers
Light bites like fresh fruit and chocolates to feed each other
Cucumber slices in your water and raspberries in your (corner-shop-bought) bubbly
Plan of action:
Help your honey unwind with a sensual bubble bath or steamy shower, then pat her dry with a clean, fluffy towel
Invite her to indulge in some home spa treatments – mani, pedi, a foot rub if youreallylike her
The main event is, of course, the full body massage. Knead that woman like she’s bread dough
You can swot up on professional techniques by searching for instructional videos on YouTube or just freestyle if you resent having to do homework for your dates
4. Fondue fun times
Cheese, chocolate or caramel – it’s your choice. Whatever you decide to liquefy, the opportunities for OTT flirting are huge. Feed each other tasty morsels, lick your fingers suggestively and make lots of appreciative “mmm” sounds, both at the food and at your date.
What to do:
Get dipping, dummy
Cheesy chat-up lines to compliment your fondue:
“Edam girl, you got me crumbling like feta”
“I just wanna look gouda for you”
“Wow, this chocolate-covered-marshmallow is almost as delicious as you”
5. YouTube karaoke
You’re guaranteed to have a laugh as you belt out classic tunes with varying degrees of success. If you want to make things extra flirty, join forces and voices for a love song duet like A Whole New World, (I’ve Had) The Time Of My Life or I Got You Babe.
You will need:
A hairbrush or something else that looks a bit like a microphone if you grip it and squint
Leave at the door:
6. (Strip) poker night or board games in the buff
The nudity part is totally up to you, but it can really spice up Pictionary.
A deck of cards or the board game of your choice
An open mind
A few ideas to get your juices flowing:
Saucy Snakes and Ladders – every time you go down a ladder an item of clothing comes off
Tantalising Twister – whenever one of you topples over, you have to remove something you’re wearing, which makes getting all tangled up increasingly exciting
Make Me Moanopoly – whenever your partner lands on your property you decide what sensual extras you’ll accept as rent
7. Candlelit dinner for two
Forget slumping in front of the TV in your PJs. Glam up like you’re off to the swankiest establishment in town, then don’t bother with the going out part and settle down for a dreamy evening of fine dining chez toi.
You will need:
Candles – it’s all about the ambience, plus everyone is better looking when the lights are dim
Food for thought:
If you can cook, do your best Nigella impression and seduce her via her tastebuds
If you struggle to even make a sandwich, best order in. Just make sure you plate it up neatly and sit together at the table so it’s more of an occasion
8. Cocktail soirée
This is one of my absolute favourite DIY date nights because pink drinks are my spirit animal. If you’re tee-total, it’s time to embrace the mocktail, baby. Put your glad rags on, turn up the jazz and role-play that you’re two hot queer women in 1960s Manhattan.
Shake it up:
Mojitos, Margaritas and Dyke-quiris are safe bets. You can find all the recipes you’ll need on the world’s number 1 cookery teacher, Google
Buy colourful cocktail umbrellas and stirrers on Amazon for a couple of quid if you want your drinks to look as pretty as you two