The comedian and podcaster revisits her teenage diary

WORDS BY SOFIE HAGEN, IMAGE BY MATT CROCKETT

I recently found an old diary I wrote when I was 13. Like most teenage diaries would, it portrayed me in a rather unfortunate light.

Amongst complaints about the girls in my class – and embarrassing amounts of Westlife fanfiction – I made lists. Lists of the sexiest things about Mehmet from my year (eyes, sweat, voice), pros and cons if I ever became famous (pros: journalists ask you questions all the time, cons: the paparazzi) and lists about my life after weight loss.

I was on a constant diet from the age of eight to 21. Every week, after I had failed, I would make a new plan towards the inevitable: me being thin. But we now know that 95% of diets don’t work. That’s how the diet business has become a 70.3 billion dollar industry. I was never going to be thin. Yet my whole life surrounded that. I found a list in my teenage diary called, “When I am thin…” and it listed my new life.

1. I will wear shorts and crop tops.

2. I will have my hair up.

3. When my friends say they like me, I will believe them.

4. I can eat in public.

5. I can have lesbian sex.

Read the rest of this exclusive feature in the May 2019 issue of DIVA, available now via the links below. Sofie’s new book Happy Fat: Taking Up Space In A World That Wants To Shrink You is out 2 May and available to pre-order here.

Only reading DIVA online? You’re missing out. For more news, reviews and commentary, check out the latest issue. It’s pretty badass, if we do say so ourselves.

divadigital.co.uk // divadirect.co.uk // divasub.co.uk

Leave a Reply