Comedian, podcaster and writer Rosie Wilby introduces her brand new book, The Breakup Monologues
BY ROSIE WILBY
My new book The Breakup Monologues, based very loosely on my podcast of the same name, is out today.
The book includes a chapter about my peculiar experience of participating in a “sex lab” investigating queer female desire after responding to a callout on DIVA’s Twitter timeline. So if you hate that chapter, blame DIVA. It’s all their fault.
There’s another chapter set during the DIVA Awards, where I panic about how to get to the stage on unfamiliar high heels and stay in one piece to present MP Hannah Bardell with an award, and chapters that include fascinating insights about relationships and breakups that were shared by brilliant guests on Radio DIVA, the show that I hosted for three years alongside Heather Peace (which I’m sure you all listened to… right?).
I love being a part of the DIVA community, and so here’s a very brief flavour of the book just for you…
Heartbreak is universal. Whether you are male, female, trans, non-binary, gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual, polyamorous, monogamous, allosexual, asexual, young, old or somewhere in between, we all seem to navigate a similarly emotionally perilous happy-sad terrain in the unfortunate (or as it turns out sometimes, fortunate) event that we have been dumped.
But if you really want to know about breakups… you should ask a lesbian.
Yes. That’s right. A lesbian.
I don’t mean you should just rock up to a lesbian bar and start quizzing the first comfortably-shoed woman you see about ghosting, conscious uncoupling, rebound flings, heartbreak, addiction, serial monogamy, loneliness, grief, attachment theory, anti-love drugs, rebirth, transformation, personal growth and all the other sorts of things you’re going to be reading about in my book. For a start, you’ll be hard pushed to find a lesbian bar. Most of them have closed down.
No. I mean that lesbians are the unofficial, unrecognised world champions of breakups. Statistically speaking, we go through more breakups in a lifetime than anyone else. So we have figured out how to do it kindly(ish). Time and time again, I hear stories, studies and polls that suggest that we stay super-close friends with an ex more frequently than anyone else. After all, it’s a small community… and sometimes there’s nobody else to be friends with.
So who the hell is this lesbian telling you to read her book?
I’m a comedian and podcaster. You might have seen me onstage over the years at some of the aforementioned bars that have now closed down. I don’t think it was my fault that they closed down. But who knows?!
A few years ago, I started obsessively exploring breakups in my comedy. I was concerned that perhaps I had been wasting years and years of my life expending so much energy on relationships that did not endure. Surely real love was supposed to last? I was on a quest to figure out how to finally settle down and stay with my awesome new partner. Let’s call her Girlfriend.
It may seem odd how much of this book about breakups I spend talking about a relationship I’m trying, fighting even, to stay in. But to me, breaking up and staying together are simply two sides of the same coin. They are a flick of a switch apart, separated only by one fleeting moment of madness, or perhaps clarity. They are as intertwined as the wayward sun-browned stems of ivy that creep up from our neighbour’s garden and are slowly but surely obscuring the view from our bedroom window. And sometimes we ourselves can become entangled with the strands of our relationships in unhealthy ways that obscure our view. Sometimes, like it or not, it is time for a spot of pruning.
The Breakup Monologues is out now in hardback, paperback, kindle and audiobook (narrated by Rosie). Order at linktr.ee/breakupmonologues.
DIVA magazine celebrates 27 years in print in 2021. If you like what we do, then get behind LGBTQI media and keep us going for another generation. Your support is invaluable.